Speaker-To-Customers' Buffy Fanfiction

The Buffy Fanfic of Speaker-to-Customers

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Vampire Kisses Awards

This index page does not show the romantic pairings of the stories (unless it is obvious). For a separate index page that does include Pairings go to

The Stories

And Glory Shone Around

And Glory Shone Around

Written for Enigmaticblue's Holiday Ficathon

Summary: Glory proposes a Christmas truce. Rating R. Complete.

Angel of the Morning. Complete.

A 'What if?' story kicking off from 'Dead Things' and going AU. Willow encounters Clem helping Spike home following the beating by Buffy and decides to help out. Her relationship with Spike takes a new turn; and the rest of Season 6 develops rather differently as she learns valuable lessons about life, death, friendship, love, good, and evil.

85,770 words. Rating R, possibly even into the milder end of NC-17. Contains character death.

Attack of the 50-Foot Willow

A piece of total insanity written for a "Tentacle" Ficathon. Definitely not to be taken seriously. AU, very much so. Season 3 around Graduation Day. NC-17. Complete.

Crocodile Rock

A fellow author commented that she sometimes felt that she'd like to kill off a certain character in a particular way, but never followed through with it. I thought I'd save her the trouble. A little ficlet of exactly 666 words; somehow that seemed appropriate. Humorous, but (of course) contains character death. Rating PG.

Debt of Blood (Complete).

Crossover between Stargate: SG-1 and Neverwinter Nights. A sequel to Tabula Avatar, taking place more than two years after that story, but containing almost no spoilers so you can read it even though Tabula Avatar isn't complete yet. Colonel Jack O'Neill and SG-1 go through a Stargate on a routine mission and find themselves in a strange world of magic, monsters, and sudden and brutal death. The Buffyverse characters don't appear in the story, they are a thousand miles to the south, but they are mentioned. Rating R for torture. Debt of Blood banner by SpeakerToCustomers

Deid Canny.

Summary: a historical story, long before the time of Buffy. It was originally written for the Watchers' Diaries ficathon on LiveJournal, where it was very well received. It stands alone, but can be read as a prequel to the Roxyverse stories. Slightly dark humour, rating probably around R. All original characters, of course; no pairings.

1613. The Baltic States during the Ingermanland War between Sweden and Russia. An English mercenary in the service of the Swedes discovers that becoming a vampire is less of a change than you might think.

09 July 2007

Dojo Hard

Thanks to Kris, alias Spikeshunny, for the beautiful Dojo Hard banner.

Dojo Hard

NOW COMPLETE! The ultimate Crack!Fic. Inspired by a discussion on Barb Cummings' LiveJournal about Canon, fanon, and the mutability of character. Barb said I tend to think of canon-based AUs as something different from 'All the characters are ninjas in 17th-century Japan' fics. Shadowscast (a wonderful writer!) mentioned my AU parodies and commented that she saw potential for a fun story along those lines. I decided that a 'ninjas in 17th-century Japan' fic is exactly what I would write. At first it was just a 250-word drabble but, as they do, the tale grew in the telling. It ended up as 20 chapters and 44,000 words.

All-human (or nearly all!) but there are demons. Gilbert and Sullivan operetta meets Samurai movies, hentai, bad haiku, and blithe disregard for historical reality. Loosely - very loosely - based on BtVS Season 2. A wandering minstrel known as Chopstick, who is also a ninja warrior, comes to the Shogunate of Sunnydale and comes into conflict with Shogun Giles and his ninja bodyguard Buffy Summers. Definitely not to be taken seriously even though there is character death. Rating R. Thanks to Kris, alias Spikeshunny, for the beautiful banner.

Drabbles.

A collection of ultra-short ficlets, usually 100 words, mainly humorous, various ratings, various pairings.

Everything Stops For Tea

Vampire Kisses Awards

Winner of the Fuzzy Bunny Slipper Award for best Comedy/Fluff fiction at the 7th round of the Bedtime Story Awards

Summary: a little scene between Spike and Giles. It could be taking place during 'Life in Shadow', or it could be on the show some time between mid Season 4 and the start of Season 5. Written as a birthday present for Enigmaticblue.

Rating PG; length 777 words. Spike & Giles friendship.

How Do They Rise Up (Complete)

The sequel to The Lonely Goatherd. Two years after Angel led his team out into that rain-soaked alley the survivors, and some of the Buffyverse characters, gather there to remember the fallen.

The title 'How Do They Rise Up' is a quote from Night Watch by Terry Pratchett, and the absence of a question mark is not a typo. This is not a comedy, and it's not high on plot; just a vignette. 3,175 words. Rating R. Warning; character deaths.

I am the Walrus.

A response to a challenge at Vampire Kisses

Nominated for “Best Fluffy” and “Best Comedy” at the tenth round of the Vampire Kisses Awards

Buffy Season 5 with a difference. A great big difference. Rating probably PG-13, might just border on R. A little swearing and a few references to sex, attempted cruelty to animals. No walruses were harmed during the writing of this story. Illustration courtesy of Sandra Strait. Complete.

I am the Walrus

It's Got to Be Perfect. (Complete)

An answer to Kantayra's “Practically Perfect in Every Way” Challenge, set in Season 6 starting during “As You Were”. Buffy makes a wish to change Spike into the perfect boyfriend; but there's always consequences. Rating PG-13 up to R. Title taken from the song by Fairground Attraction.

Vampires Kiss Awards

Life In Shadow. (Work in Progress)

What if Tara was a Vampire Slayer? And straight?

Faith dies during the Graduation battle, and plain, shy, Alabama girl Tara Maclay finds herself with unexpected superpowers to complicate her new life at UC Sunnydale; new friends, new enemies, and the lurking presence of a mysterious and handsome Englishman. Oh, and Giles.

Rating; probably R by the time it's finished.

Life In Shadow Prologue

Lonely on the Mountain by Sandra Strait

Lonely on the Mountain. Complete.

Winner of the I Like the Quiet Award and Runner-up for the Mbuna Fish Award at the White Knight Awards for Xander-centric fiction.

I Like the Quiet Award Winner

Mbuna Fish award Runner-up

I wrote this story for Ludditerobot's Scatterlings and Orphanages 'Africander' ficathon on LiveJournal. The ficathon is for post-NFA Xander-in-Africa stories, covering every single one of Africa's 55 countries. My country is Malawi, where I lived for six years, and I've stood on every inch of ground that Xander stands on in the story. Don't expect my usual overt humor, by the way. This isn't a comedy. Complete.

Summary:

January 2006, and Xander is staying at a camp site on Zomba Plateau in Malawi and taking in the view. But there's a little more to his trip than rest and recreation.

Merry Sport.

An alternative version of “Triangle”. The assumption is that Olaf the Troll took a somewhat different path through Sunnydale when he left the Magic Box.

Rating R for some quite graphic sex. Complete.

Noggin and the Vampire.

This is a crossover between Angel: The Series and The Saga of Noggin the Nog, a BBC Television children's animated series from the 1960s. Rating PG. The series was gentle story-telling for children but with an undercurrent of dry humour for adult viewers; I've tried to replicate the style as closely as possible. Complete.

Summary: During the alley battle at the end of "Not Fade Away" the Angel Investigations team are pulled through a magical portal and Spike finds himself in the world of Noggin the Nog. He soon finds he's not the only newcomer to that dimension.

Pandora's Boxer: a novel. (WIP)

Planned as a trilogy. Book One, The Hungry Heart, 22 chapters, is now complete. I had planned to start posting Book Two in late 2004 but got involved in other projects, and I now doubt as if the other two volumes will ever be written. Sorry.

Vampire Kisses Awards

At the completion of his trials in Africa, Spike is offered an alternative to a soul; a second chance. The cave demon sends him back in time 3 years - but wipes his memory of the intervening time! Will the same things happen all over again - or will it work out a little differently? Could this be a second chance not only for Spike, but for Buffy and the Scooby Gang? In a world in which “Kick the Spike” is a game more dangerous than juggling with nitro-glycerine, can they learn to respect the vampire and avoid the mistakes they made first time round? Or will entirely new mistakes lead them to a different but equally catastrophic destination?

Starts off following canon, but gradually diverges more and more into AU. A rollicking tale of blood, romance, comradeship, blood, adventure, betrayal, Gilbert & Sullivan, blood, magic, Modesty Blaise, blood, the songs of Richard Thompson and of Big Country, blood, a very different ‘Hostile 17’, blood, and demons. Oh, and did I mention blood?

Contains spoilers for all BtVS episodes from Seasons 4 to 6 inclusive, and for some episodes from AtS Season 1. Rating 'R'.

Received Runner-up award for “Best Revamped” at the tenth round of the Vampire Kisses Awards

Pyromania. An “Angel: the Series” story.

What really happened after the screen turned black at the end of “Not Fade Away”. Harmony does something different; faster or more clever, you know? Rated PG-13 for a bit of violence and a little swearing.

Runner-up for the “Dumb, Blonde, and Beautiful” award in the Lie to Me Awards

Lie To Me Awards

Rupert and the Fairy Spike. Complete.

There has been a recent craze on LiveJournal for stories in which Spike is a fairy. Recently my LiveJournal friend Trepkos challenged me to write a Fairy!Spike/Rupert the Bear crossover. And I've done it, although I've broken with the tradition of Fairy Spike stories being Slash; this is strictly Het.

Rupert Bear is a children's cartoon strip that has been running in the Daily Express newspaper since the 1920s. I don't know if it's currently running, but it certainly was as recently as 2003, and it's hardly changed at all in all those years. Traditionally the story is told in rhyming couplets accompanying the picture frames, with a section of conventional prose following each set of pictures. I've followed the same style, although of course without the pictures, and I make no apologies for the quality of my couplets because they were pretty dire in the originals. Those not familiar with the cartoon strip itself may have seen Paul McCartney's video The Frog Song (aka Rupert and the Frog Chorus).

3,600 words; rating at least R, heading towards NC-17.

Savage Beauty (WIP)

My first ever all-human AU. No vampires or Slayers. Buffy is the Prime Minister of Iceland. Spike is a Jivaro head-hunter in the Amazon rain-forest. Can they get together despite all odds? In case you haven't guessed, this one isn't entirely serious. Rating PG-13. Work in Progress.

Savage Beauty won the Runner Up award in the AU/Fantasy Fiction category in Round 6 of the Lovebite Awards

and got first place as Best Comedy in Round 3 of the Love's Bitch Awards.

Some Enchanted Evening Complete.

A Halloween story featuring the Trio, written for the 12 Months of BtVS community on LiveJournal. 3,800 words. Rating PG-13.

Season 6, during 'All The Way': Jonathan rediscovers the spell that Ethan Rayne once used to turn people into their Halloween costumes, and the Trio choose their characters with care. Of course, things don't turn out quite the way they intend.

Sunnydale Passions (WIP)

Summary: Barb C (author of A Raising in the Sun, Necessary Evils, and Parliament of Monsters) was discussing the issue of 'character-bashing' in fics on her LiveJournal. She said “but there's no reason to make Riley a wife-beater, Giles a drunk, Willow an evil mastermind, Xander a moron, Spike a malicious idiot, Angel a Neanderthal, Buffy a stone bitch who glories in her bitchness, or whatever.”. I threatened to write a fic in which all those qualities appeared, she triple-dog-dared me, and this is the result.

Rating PG-ish, or maybe R; there's no swearing or explicit sex but there's lots of innuendo. Six chapters up so far.

Sweet Xander's Baadasssss Song

A strange little ficlet that takes off from the ending of "Once More With Feeling". What if Sweet had decided not to pass? 600 words; rating perhaps R for innuendo.

Tabula Avatar. WIP.

Tabula Avatar

Summary: The Trio get their hands on the 'Tabula Rasa' memory crystal and download the stored memories into the PC game 'Baldur's Gate 2: Shadows of Amn'. In a strange and lethal new world Buffy and the Scoobies find friends, romance, and deadly peril. Meanwhile, back in Sunnydale, Randy, Joan, Umad and the other memory-less Scoobies cope surprisingly well.

Rating up to NC-17.

The Cloak of Mist

Cloak of Mist by Deathisyourart

Written for the Watcher's Diaries LiveJournal community. This is a historical fiction, not featuring any of the characters from the TV show.

Summary: The Isle of Man, 1014 AD, a mixed Celtic and Viking community. In the aftermath of the slaughter at the Battle of Clontarf, with the islanders mourning their dead and anxious for the missing, a new Slayer must face a horde of undead Vikings to free the island from a dreadful curse.

The Good, the Bad, and Cordelia

An adventure in the “Wishverse” from BtVS Season 3. Cordelia makes a wish that Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale, and finds herself in a nightmare world ruled by The Master. But there are some faces missing from the Wishverse. Why no Luke? Did Spike and Drusilla still come to Sunnydale? And might things have worked out a little differently for Cordelia if they had?

Rating PG for innuendo. Humour, although there is character death. Complete.

The Hounds of Love Complete

Summary: This story was written for the LiveJournal community ‘12 months of BtVS’, and is set during Season 2. It starts during ‘Passions’. Rating: PG-13. 25,800 words in seven chapters.

After an act of petty vindictiveness by Angelus deprives wheelchair-bound Spike of his treasured collection of punk rock music he listens to a Kate Bush album; and in so doing he triggers a chain of events that alters everything.

The Hour of the Troll

Summary; one of a series, inspired by a challenge at Twisting The Hellmouth, in which the idea is that Willow's spell to banish Olaf the Troll from Sunnydale, at the end of 'Triangle', goes awry and sends him into a crossover universe rather than to the Land of the Trolls. I have written a whole series of these stories; in this one Willow's misfiring spell sends Olaf to the Hyborian Age. There he meets Conan the Barbarian and gets involved in the affairs of a small city-state with a dying king, two rival temples, and two beautiful princesses. This is a crossover with the original Robert E. Howard 'Conan' stories rather than with the Schwarzenegger movies.

Rating R for sex. Action/Adventure with some romance. Complete.

The Lonely Goatherd Complete

This story is another one that was inspired by a comment on Barb C's LiveJournal. She was talking about 'all-human Aus', and said “I don't like Spike as a Lithuanian goatherd”. I resolved to write a 'Spike is a Lithuanian Goatherd' story that (hopefully) she would like, and this is the result. It is not an all-human AU at all; it is canon-compatible. Post 'Not Fade Away'. August 2005, and Spike was the sole survivor of the events in Los Angeles. The past year and a quarter has not been easy for him.

Rating probably PG-13, but Spike does swear quite a lot and so it may shade into R. 7,777 words.

The Nirvana Quartet

The following 2 stories are the first two parts of what was intended to be a trilogy. They are complete in themselves and can be read without part 3.

Smells Like Teen Spirit Complete

A short story looking at a certain person's life in Rome following “The Girl In Question”. Dark. Rated NC-17. I mean, really NC-17. Don't read it if you would be upset by extremely explicit sexual references. Complete.

Come As You Are Complete

The sequel to “Smells Like Teen Spirit”. Rated R. My serious version of a post Not Fade Away story. Contains character death, but still lighter in tone than the preceding story. Maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel, at least for some. Complete.

In Bloom Complete

Summary: The third part of the Nirvana Quartet, a sequel to Smells Like Teen Spirit and Come As You Are. Giles meets Ilona Costa Bianchi, formerly the CEO of Wolfram and Hart Rome office but now running it as a separate company, and discovers that he has more in common with her than he would have thought.

Rating R, exactly 5,000 words.

“Lithium”

The final part of the quartet has been delayed, and I can't give a definite date for completion.

World Without Spike (Two part series, complete)

Part One: Just Not Cricket (Complete)

Summary: The first story in the 'World Without Spike' series. Inspired by a conversation on LiveJournal about the Mutant Enemy writers putting Americanisms into the mouths of English characters. The party scene shown in the 'Fool For Love' flashback goes rather differently and results in a very different version of 'School Hard' a hundred and twenty years later. Character death - but it's extremely AU and not to be taken seriously.

Exactly 500 words, rating PG-13.

Part Two: Kiss Me, Deadly (Complete)

Summary: The second and final part of the 'World Without Spike' series. After the shocking events of 'Just Not Cricket' Sunnydale seems to lie at the mercy of George the Terrible. When a Peruvian girl with a deadly secret arrives it seems that things can only get worse. Drusilla, however, has a bad feeling about this.

Exactly 5,000 words, rating PG-13.

Working for the Yankee Dollar.

Written for a Spuffy Ficathon. Summary: Spike gets a legitimate job. PG. Crossover with 'Angel'; Gunn is a major character in this story. Complete.

The Wombat Zone Stories by Curious Wombat

  • Mid-Day at the Lost And Found
  • and

  • Once More With Bagpuss
  • Two little ficlets, rating G (UK U). Probably the world's first Buffy/Bagpuss crossovers! Only UK readers will be familiar with Bagpuss; for the information of others, it was voted the favourite childrens' television programme of all time in a UK poll a couple of years ago, and all the characters are toys - except Emily. To find out more, or to gaze lovingly at the pictures, try this link: Bagpuss.

    and, also by Curious Wombat:

  • Ten Years After
  • Love's Last Glimpse Awards Love's Last Glimpse Awards

    Ten years after 'Chosen', Dawn begins to realize that her status as The Key is still having an effect upon her life. Uncertain of her place in the world, she decides that Spike is the one best qualified to help her come to terms with her discoveries. But none of the Scoobies have seen Spike in years.

    Warning: there is some pretty explicit sex in this one, maybe up to NC-17 rating.

    News From Heaven (Complete)

    Summary: Curious Wombat's Christmas story; a prequel to Ten Years After. Christmas Eve 2004, and Willow receives a ghostly visitation.

    Rating 15 for sexual content. 3,250 words.

    http://www.speaker-to-customers.me.uk/wombatzone/nfh.htm

  • Half a Sky of Stars Complete
  • Summary: Somewhere between “Chosen” and “Ten Years After”, Xander reflects on his life since the destruction of Sunnydale.

    Rating 15 for mild sexual content. 2,200 words.

    The characters in these stories do not belong to me, but are being used for amusement only and all rights remain with Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the writers of the original episodes/books, and the TV and production companies responsible for the original television shows. BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER ™ 2002 Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation. All Rights Reserved. The Buffy the Vampire Slayer trademark is used without express permission from Fox. ANGEL ™ 2001 Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation. All Rights Reserved. The ANGEL trademark is used without express permission from Fox.