Poppa Don’t Preach

Oh fuck! This was not really in The Plan. Mind you, come to think of it The Plan’s kind of got a bit blurred in the last few months anyway. Let’s see – last September The Plan was basically do AS levels, do well enough to do one or two full A levels, go to Loughborough or somewhere to train as a PE teacher.

I don’t really remember anything in The Plan about two of my mates getting murdered by having their heads whopped off, or about taking a crash course in extra-curricular studies of demonology and occultism. I do remember that there was a sort of secondary plan that was to run parallel to the main one, and went ‘get smart girlfriend, preferably one who shags, but isn’t a slag.’ Well I definitely achieved that part of the plan!

Gabriella is most certainly smart. Her being a vampire actually wasn’t a big thing. To start with I wasn’t really sure whether I believed it – even with all the really weird things that were happening. Sure she avoided the sunshine, but that didn’t really affect things much – it was December, and we mostly met after dark. I think I only completely believed it after a few chats with Roxy and Jocasta – even when I first saw Gabriella sipping blood through a straw I almost thought that she might just be one of those pseudo-vamp Goths who do all sorts of weird things for effect!

But she is beautiful – and sexy, and fun to be with. My parents were not exactly ecstatic about me going out with her – they thought that as she is obviously older than me (reasons – she has left school, she has a motorbike licence – if only they knew!) she would get bored and drop me, or she would just distract me from school. I did try the ‘she can help me with my Spanish’ line, but they only really believed it when I started to get better Spanish marks than expected!

Life with Gabriella is a whole lot more exciting than the original Plan – that’s for sure. I probably wouldn’t have become one of the ‘Roxettes’ if it wasn’t for Gabriella. After all Brian hasn’t really, even though Donna is determined to be as involved in this Slaying thing as she possibly can be. Gabriella is so tough, even when she stopped being a vampire. She is A Slayer – that is just amazing – she has mystical powers to make her one of the strongest, quickest people in the world – like Roxy but sexier! I am the boyfriend of A Slayer. By the time Gabriella became human again I really understood what that meant – after my extra-curricular studies with Jocasta and Roxy.

Slayers’ boyfriends have to be pretty tough guys themselves – you wouldn’t expect someone like Gabriella to go out with a wimp! I don’t think I’ve ever been wimpy, but I try really hard not to be a wimp even when I am faced by demons, and vampires, and weird Chinese people, for Gabriella. It’s really worth it when she hugs me, and tells me I’m great – it’s even worth it if it’s just Roxy or Teresa or someone who tells me I did something really good, but with Gabriella I know I’ll get all sorts of other extra- curricular things later!

But this is really scary. Gabriella is scared. I think mostly she is scared about what I’m going to do, or say, or just think! That’s backwards isn’t it? Probably because quite often I do first, before I say or think! What am I going to do? Well, this time I’m thinking first! Gabriella is a Catholic – not a very church-going one, but it is how she was brought up, and so first thought is not to be put to her at all forcefully, just that if she wants to take ‘Option 1’ I will support her.

O.K., so I guessed right – trip to doctor, day in clinic, carry on as usual is not the answer.

Gabriella says that I should not let it get in the way of carrying on at school, and carrying on with The Plan as already mentioned, but the whole Slaying, Apocalypse, Saving the World bit already does get in the way of following it anyway. Not sure how good the AS results are going to be – probably not too bad actually – Gabriella’s helped with Spanish, and Dominique was really good about a bit of extra French tuition. The pictures of Gabriella certainly helped with my portfolio for photography, and the African sunsets. Roxy’s suggestion that I do a whole series of Demons would have been eye-catching (!), but difficult to explain.

I know Gabriella’s right when she says that I don’t have to worry about the financial implications, she’s got quite a bit stashed away, and as a working Slayer she does get paid – she says she’s not sure about paid leave, but she can check it out with Jocasta. But what about the long term implications? I mean what we’ve got is really good, but I’m not absolutely sure that Very Long Term commitment was part of that secondary plan at the beginning of the school year.

I feel a bit like I just want to run around like a headless chicken going ‘Not happening! Not happening!’ Come to think about it that’s more of an ostrich approach – running around like a headless ostrich? But that would be wimpish, and I am not going to behave like a wimp, I am a big tough guy, I’ve fought a Cape buffalo, I’ve fought demons that didn’t die even if you took their heads off, I am the only male Slayer in the world (O.K., as long as I don’t take the ring off!).

We are going to cope with this – no, rephrase that, I am going to cope with this- I’m sure Gabriella is going to as well, but this is about what I’m doing. If we do drift apart when it comes time for me to go to college, well we will or we won’t anyway. How does going to college fit in with the Slaying thing anyway? Must completely go back and consider The Plan! Maybe take a year out after school? It would give more time to think about it.

So, I think I’m about at a decision here! Option 2 is pretend I didn’t really hear what Gabriella told me, and hope it goes away – that is being a wimp, and I don’t do wimp. Option 3 – drop Gabriella, and probably also drop Slaying thing – that is also a wimp option, therefore forget Option 3. Option 4 is to immediately drop out of school, get job, declare undying love for Gabriella, and probably propose marriage. Sounds like the tough guy option, but actually I think I’ve grown up enough to recognize that it is a bit too stereotype, and not good long term planning, so actually, reject Option 4.

Therefore – take Option 5. Option 5 is admit that it’ll take a while to get used to the idea, but if Gabriella is happy (and her Watcher, come to think of it!), then I am not going to just leave her to get on with it herself, I will be around for her, I will be a part of it. She’ll probably still be pretty sexy – her body’s been through loads and still come out sexy – this shouldn’t make too much difference! Anyway, when she’s going to feel fairly unsexy I should be too busy with A levels to have the time! Not responsible thought – I will find time during A levels to be supportive, but I really will have to study! I think that I will do Spanish – then Gabriella can help with my revision and it won’t look as if I’m abandoning her!

So – Option 5 taken. Gabriella looks relieved, and happy. Except that now we have another big problem. Telling my parents. They will probably explode. Perhaps we could take bets on whether they blame it all on me, or blame it all on Gabriella; even though logic suggests that we were both there at the time.

Tonight I am definitely thinking things through properly – I reckon that my AS results are going to be at least as good as were predicted at the beginning of the school year, probably better. Therefore, wait until after results to tell parents. They will have to see that Gabriella is not distracting me, (neither is she likely to get bored and drop me, under the circumstances, which was their other objection!) and they will hopefully be in a good mood. Although I think I’ll probably need all A*s if they are to be so totally thrilled that they aren’t totally wigged (as Roxy would put it) at the whole idea of becoming grandparents at their age!

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Watcher’s Tales Part 2

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